Cousin

she's just a little girl
wandering around with her big, open eyes
she's just waiting for something
to fall in her lap
her fate, her happiness, her doubt

she's not so young for a little girl
living with mom
and blaming her too
never learning how to stand up
on her own two feet

it's a shame and a sham
she's checked herself in
those big eyes full of ripe tears

every wet drop will be like alice in wonderland
growing and shrinking alongside her emotions
it'll be like she'd never left herself
never let herself hang out to dry

she's just a little girl
in big girl clothes
riding the teacups until she pukes
until somebody tells her to get off
until she realizes the ride's just a ride

Reminder

Everyone has that something that eats at us
Our insides turn to mulch
And the doubt bugs come to plump up

There's a pulling down in my middle
As I read the note
Reminder of a part of life unfinished

A time of clarity, followed by a time of levity
I can't quite seem to get it right
My head starts to throb

We like to remind ourselves of all we are
The good times, the gold stars
This note only brings me back

To that place where I put on a mask
The image of an accomplishment
Unsure that I can bear for them to see me

As I am, I have failed in their eyes
I can see that they see me
Someone less than what I really am

This note will be burned
But into my brain
And all my clarity of the recent past
For naught

The Comedown

There is a running in my middle
A rampant current, flowing madly
My expected tearful release is not present
Rather a quickening pulse
And inability to sit still

I fidget, ever-growing jitters
Consuming the edges of me
Hands and feet dancing their own rhythm
Blinking eyes see nothing but
What I can't have right now

This is my comedown
A detox from you and your liquid voice
I made my rules and intend to keep them
But it's so hard to stay in line
If your heart knows not what to do

Anything I do now, in this moment
Of self-imposed insanity
Would never assuage this itch I have
Not even if I tried to explain myself
To you and your unseeing eyes